My Grandparents

 What a grandiloquent title 'grandparents'. They normally get diminutive names like 'grappus' or 'nanna'. One of ours carried the headline 'Toots' but that wasn't a purely grandparent title.

I'm motivated by RIK's endeavor to reflect on his grandparents, being the same as mine, I thought I'd start afresh and put down my thoughts.

There is an intrinsic difficulty in such writing: honesty, complete, comprehensive, the good and the bad. Or a sanitized version out of respect, courtesy etc. I'll go with the former.

Audience: who will read, and do they want to know of all that...

Subjects: is it fair to some subjects to disclose now the thoughts, facts and emotions, which might be descriptive, honest, but hurtful, disclosing their warts and all, or the writer's prejudices. Will it be accurate, given it is one man's opinion in any event. And from a time when the grandparent was elderly, and the grandchild was young.

I ribbed Roger after reading a few of his posts and seeing the invitation to tell him what [I] would like to read: to which I teasingly asked "write about your time away from home when wearing the white shorts".  No response yet.

What are you memories of your grandparents? The theme to which I return.

Ivy Veronica Pass/Kimber/Bursill and Thomas William (Oscar) Kimber

Prompted by brother Roger's notes on the same topic, I've decided to jot down my own. Like Roge, I have only known, personally, my father Dick's parents: Toots and Oscar.  

My mother Jean (Campbell) - her parents remain of metaphysical importance to my life and recollection, only known by and from discussions, photographs and repute. So my reflections are imperfect from that score.

Each side of the family at grandparent and other levels seem very different to me. In summary there seems to have been a peacefulness and grace with the Campbell side, whilst an urgency and endeavour from the Kimber side.

Toots was Ivy Veronica Pass, then Kimber, then Bursill - born in Chester UK, and somehow in south Australia around 1912 she met and married Oscar - Thomas William Kimber, latterly of London UK. Born respectively 1895 and 1887, they no doubt had their separate reasons to immigate to Australia. Large families? No significant financial prospects back home? Exploration and opportunity? Toots as a nurse and Oscar as a bank manager/accountant. They met and had the first Kimber family in Australia: Marjorie (1915), Dick (1916) and Kenneth William (Bill) (c 2017) but about that late time, they became disaffected, and seem to have had a 10 to 20 year joyless time viz a viz each other.

Rumour has it that Oscar took unkindly to Toot's extra matrimonial activity. No details given, and subsequent events don't make it clear. They took care of Bill and Marjorie (Toots) and Dick (Oscar) separately, and my father was raised predominantly by Oscar in a series of States of Australia and schools.

Correspondence from the time indicates a chronic lack of money, and recurrent demands and action to obtain the blood out of the stone. In the end, the children must have grown up, reasonably well fed and clothed, as they all survived well into adulthood. Matrimonial dissolution happened later, when Oscar had commenced a new family with his 2nd spouse Myra, and wanted to have some legitimacy. Toots seems to have held back on granting a divorce, and decorum (or lack of evidence) presumably prevented Oscar from initiating it. Perhaps the curial justification was then abandonment.

Societal norms and biases affected how to proceed with such an application, and rights to custody of children, and obligations to pay alimony/maintenance depended on 'right' and 'wrong'.

In the end (now) the exact detail is not clear, yet the long term result is evident: Oscar went on to have a second family of great children, good friends of the first family. Toots found support in a second husband, living with him (Cliffy Bursill) in Katoomba.

Marjorie used to speak of the burden and love of caring for her youngest brother Bill whilst Toots went out to work - this at a time when it was perceived a man was not doing his job if his wife could not mind the house. Meanwhile Dick was boarded at a number of schools in different States.

I have a box of papers, many scanned digitally, of correspondence between Oscar and Toots, and Marjorie, from this era the 1920-1960 period. Some of the material shows courteous but firm inability to meet financial demands on Oscar's part, and angry claims from Toots. No doubt Oscar lived on the smell of an oily rag, dodging creditors, and pursuing financial and investment opportunities - without apparently significant good fortune. Although he did have rewarding work at times: running an import/export fruit business (TOP) in Hobart, for example. 

Oscar's second family had some of their young years in Hobart, living in a home in Sandy Bay Road, along with Dick and Marjorie. The new family were Beryl, Bill/Joe, and Chris, accomplished and talented people.

Toots lived then in Katoomba, with Cliffy, who had a business running/owning a toy shop in the main street. I recall meeting him in c1962 (I was 5), a quiet and courteous man, who in later years suffered from Parkinsons Disease, which took, and left Toots without spouse support. She then came over to Tasmania, where Marjorie was living in Devon Walk, Taroona, and working in the Queen Alexandrea Hospital, Hampden Rd, Battery Point.

It can't have been all that easy with a 55 year old mother as a share house person, and Marjorie apparently had her own matrimonial prospects dismantled by the situation.

During the 1960s, my own pre school and junior school years, Toots was a regular feature at home 14 Taroona Crescent, where she sat in the sun during the day, whilst Marjorie worked at the hospital. She or sometimes they would join our family at table for dinner, although the burden fell mostly on Marjorie and to some degree my mum Jean.

Images: parties/BBQ in Taroona, Marshall and Ronnie at the piano, Toots and Jean, CRK at work, Marje and Ronnie (Veronica) about to go on a plane

I say 'burden' as Toots was to some degree incapacitated, with a poor hip, waddling sort of walk, a walking stick, and thus inability to assist around the house. I don't recall her laughing or generating humour, and no doubt that was in view of some pain, but also perhaps suffering from her perspective of life not having served up the best courses.

Image: Ivy Veronica "Toots"

Dad seemed accepting and helpful of the situation, but I think was content that Toots went to Devon Walk of an evening. He was a loving and gentle man, to both his parents, but would also have been acutely aware that his immediate family were managing around Toots.

I think she had a good time with the usual activities of life at Taroona: the parties, Christmas time especially, the road trips (eg to the East Coast), and some refreshments from the Taroona pub, and Dick's grog cabinet.

Image: Toots in the sunshine in the sunroom at Taroona Crescent

Roger writes that she would have been suffering the onset of dementia, possibly so. That did advance toward the end of her life in the 1970s with hip, cancer, and dementia combining to force Toots into Mary's Grange Home for the Elderly- at which she died.

Toots had a regular trip to the city, to the 50 and over club in Bathurst St. She saved the bus fare and timing necessary to catch a bus, by hitchhking. Her style was to plant herself in the middle of Channel Highway at the junction of Taroona Crescent, and wave her walking stick at approaching truck/car. I say that in the singular, as they could not get around her, and she had a beguiling patois to encourage the necessary lift, sometimes well out of the way of the driver. From her I learnt the safety and courage to seek lifts by hitchhiking, and enjoyed doing that for sport or travel for many years after. Her spirit in that encouraged a level of ffree will and risky activity.

Some stories are apocrophyl, that Dick labelled the brandy flask in the grog cabinet to see if the reputed theft by Toots was true, and on a guilty verdict, he replaced brandy with sherry - much less expensive. He also did something similar with Marjorie, who liked the Tia Maria, an expensive top shelf drink, which he declined to buy, even though he enjoyed it himself. Financial straits, you know.

I don't recall Toots pursuing cultural or intellectual activities, more inclined to have a mind on income (pension) and expenditure (clothing and refreshments). She was engaged in social events surrounding our family; tennis club or bowls club, RSL club etc.  I'm not aware of sport activity, but believe she played tennis in her early years.

I don't recall a funeral for Toots, but expect it was when I was 12 years, and too young for that sort of thing. Likely held at the Anglican church on Channel Highway, and well attended by the locals who knew her and our family.

On present reflection, I would like to take a child of mine of 12 year or so (but perhaps not 10) to a funeral of a family member. There is a certain inherent need to understand the passing of life, and the rituals attached.

How to sum up? Spending only my formative years with Toots in her elderly years, the recollections are of her discomfort, expressed verbally by irascibility, lack of humour and lack of physical activity. My mother must have been very patient and courteous, and Marjorie may have missed some opportunities by being a carer. I'm pretty sure my sister Ronnie and I took the opportunity to 'play' with Toots when she was squibbing on us for what would have been normal childhood antics.

Image: Oscar (86) and PAK (14) in Melbourne, 1971

Which leads to Oscar. TW Kimber was born in a year I only observe when checking Victorian era legislation, and after some 23 years, took the ship to the antipodes to explore opportunty. His father was a watchmaker, and one of many children, Oscar needed to fend for himself. He and some of his brothers were part of the diaspora to Canada, Australia and South Africa. 

By 1920 his first family were born, yet soon he was caring only for my father, Dick ( called at that time Roger) directly, and paying (sporadically) maintenance for the others. He took on the role of entrepreneur, seeking out business opportunities, and raising capital by issuing shares, pursue the ventures, and if they failed, move on to the next.  This took him, for one reason or another, to a number of Australian States. Some lovely stories abound about his lack of funds....I think the endeavours were undertaken honourably. In start up ventures, sometimes close down happens. Some, clearly, were somewhat successful.

With his young son Dick, they were a good pair, and had an abiding love. Oscar seems to have been an enthusiastic encourgement to education, music, and self development, with Dick learning well, getting high grades, and moving to self support early. Dick boarded at various schools, and I have some letters between them in a box at home.

Oscar ran TOP, in Hobart, during the 1930s, and helped Dick establish Producer Supplies and Export Assoc Ltd - export/import in the 1950s, and which served Dick as his bread and butter (and jam) for 25 years. The business ultimately became difficult, with international competion, and adverse State government policies removing particular crops (apples) to re-organise (read: destroy) the industry.

It is said that Oscar went into TOP as a liquidator, but saw good prospects and raised it from the ashes, then whilst on a marketing visit to London, the other directors short sheeted him, so, on his return he was unemployed. Legal action did not 'bear fruit'.

In the 1950s and 1960s Oscar seems to have set up in Melbourne, encouraging his 2nd family children to excellence in music and medicine, and working as a self employed accountant (ACA), which he continued to do until he was of Joe Biden's age, when he retired.

He did live for a period in the 1940s in Sandy Bay Road, with Myra raising and educating his 2nd family, and apparently invited visiting musicians to home after concerts in Hobart, for entertainment and refreshments, late into the night. 

Whether he had a predilection for liquor is not known, but it is clear he had a later irascible character, which offended some, but no doubt had some splinter of relevance when the bile issued. He is credited with having some significant role in establishment of the Tasmanian Symphony Orchestra, which some decades later was the orchestra for two of his second family to perform with as soloist violinists (Beryl and Christopher), and me (much later) to sing with via the TSO Chorus.

My first meeting with Oscar was in the early 1960s at our Taroona home, and I recall him playing chess with my brothers and I, teaching us the skills, making us happy to learn, and generously playing without his Queen. I'm sure he let us win now and then, as further encouragement. I subsequently played games of chess against Dad/Dick and Roger, and more recently Roger and Marshall, and Rosie - and uncle Chris (a tough player).

His sharp uncomfortable wit was not evidenced to me, but reputed, and indeed Uncles Chris and Joe report that he was acerbic and uncomfortable company with them. One story of him not recognising Chris at Melbourne Central rail station is reported by Chris to have been horrific to him at his then young age.

But Dad loved him, as his father, and provider and educator. Reputed one 'encouragement' was Dick getting 98% for maths, proudly telling his Dad, who sharply retorted: "If you can get 98, you can get 100", and gave no congratulations. 

Oscar had regular card gambling evenings, also musical evenings with a quartet. He didn't waste time. He had a misdirected little finger, apparently from a cut tendon at one of the card nights, having opened a long neck bottle of beer badly.  He gambled a bit on the horses, having a phone account with an SP bookie. When I was 14 I visited him in Melbourne with CRK, and he was engaged often on the Saturday afternoon, on the phone, chasing getting the next bet on. I don't think it was an addiction or cost much. Just liked to know his money was moving fast, liked the arithmetic involved.

In his late years he was a thin wizened old man, smoking constantly rolled tobacco, and taking only a glass of whiskey and a cold lamb chop each day for main meal. Still playing the cello, with the belly of the instrument full of cigarette ash. He didn't often take the butt of the cigarette out of his mouth.

Oscar died at 94 years in c 1980, another funeral at which I did not attend. It wasn't the done thing to fly around the country to attend funerals in those days. My abiding recollection is my father's love and affection for him, his reputation as a sharp and caustic wit, and my father having to defend him before others.

And now, to Jean Isabelle Kimber's parents: 

Robert Campbell and Kate Gudgeon...[more to come]

Image: my dad Dick, ?, and Bob Campbell - my grandfather. Pipes at 2 paces

Image: Bob with Robert, his eldest son of his second marriage

The stories are all I have, never having met Bob or Kate. That Jean, my mum, had to grow up in her 20's without her mother due to Kate's death when mum was 19 years, in 1939, carried an abiding sense of loss. The 2nd world war was 'in play', and jean took a job at the Lithgow Small Arms Factory, and Bob lived in Sydney, remarried with Donny from Dubbo, and commenced his 2nd family of Bob Jnr, Jan (Ward), Paul and Max.

Image: this photo was on the den wall in 2 Sonning Cres, home for Dick and Jean in their late middle life. Jim Campbell, Kate, Jeannie, and Bob

The childhood in Bathurst NSW is the childhood of my mum, and her brother Jim. Their father was a barber, and running an SP bookie shop, at the same time establishing a building society to marry available capital with safe hands to build home. 

My dad recalled him to be good company and friendly. They got along well. Dick then engaged to Jeannie, and they moved to Melbourne to marry toward the end of the war.

They were the Catholic branch of the family, which seems to have been a good influence. They had humour, and spirit, and seemed to be able to take risks and then be forgiven at week's end, to restart the clock. They lived near Mt Panorama race track, and Jim's first car was a decommissioned hearse. He used to fill the back area with Jean and her friends, and take the wagon around the race track.

Uncle Jim Campbell, just a kid - lived most of his life in Port Kembla with wife Joyce, and 4 kids. He was deafened by genetics and gun blasts during the 2nd world war whilst serving overseas in Borneo.

Bob  however, was then after WW2 busy with family in Sydney, in Coogee, but when the 4th child Max was born, and Paul was only a few years old, he too died (aged 59 years, in 1949) - and the family was splintered. All but Max went to Dubbo, and Max came to Hobart to be raised for 18 months with Jean and Dick.

Bob suffered a subarachnoid haemorrhage, and survived for 2 days after affliction, enough time for Jean to take her first aeroplane flight, and visit him at bedside, being recognised in his dying moments.

Those character traits of Robert Percy Campbell infused Jean, herself a gregarious and engaging personality, and Jim - a quiet and personable man, with a laconic sense of humour, and the kids of the 2nd marriage: Robert, Jan, Paul and Max.

Image: Bob in Sydney around 1940. They say he was 'as bald as a bandicoot'

I'm fortunate to have looked up Paul Campbell in Canada in recent years and have had some good times with his hospitality in the Okanagan Valley, and in Forster in NSW. This year (2024) I'm going to Fort McMurray, Alberta to visit Paul.

Bob's death, now 75 years ago, and was before my birth (1957). His 2nd wife Donny lived on for many years, I'm guessing into the late 1990s, but I don't have any detail, and didn't ever meet her.

Funny how life is...

Image: Marjorie Adelaide Kimber and Christopher John Kimber, two very dear relatives of mine